News - North Dakota Chaplains Association

An article that appeared in the Bismarck Tribune about the current president of the Chaplains Association, Burnie Kunz from Med Center One

Sunrise/sunset: Chaplains help people make a good death part of a good life
By KAREN HERZOG
Bismarck Tribune

Dying is a very sacred moment, a moment that's a privilege to be part of, said Medcenter One chaplain Burnette Kunz.

As families deal with often unanswerable "whys" - an accident, the death of a child, suicide - a compassionate chaplain's role,Kunz believes, is to truly listen.

"Listening with my heart is one of the most precious gifts I can offer," said Kunz, who has been a chaplain for more than 20 years. "Our patients and families may not know where to begin to comprehend the events happening in their lives. I give them space to express whatever feelings they are experiencing and listen in a nonjudgmental way.

"It's about making yourself available, sitting with them, crying with them, talking about what (the patient) means to them."

Reminiscing can be particularly healing, Kunz said.

Those hospital moments can be some of the richest of your life, she said.

This is a death-denying culture, but the Rev. Jake Kincaid said he sees signs that people are coming around to think a good death is part of a good life.

Kincaid, senior pastor at First Presbyterian Church in Bismarck and a member of Medcenter One's research and bioethics committee, said dramatic changes have swept the medical field in the last few years.

Respect for the patient's autonomy seems to be overtaking medical paternalism, in which the doctor made decisions and the patient and family followed them. Now, we ask, "What did the person want?" rather than letting the "medical machine" decide, he said.

"Medicine deals with issues of trust and loyalty, right and wrong, in every interchange,"Kincaid said.

When life is ebbing and family and friends gather, the gathering can become a chaos of emotions from guilt to hope to grief.

Add to that mix a flurry of medical decisions, which may need to be made at a time of heightened emotion.

Families grapple with questions: Is this the end? How much medical intervention is justified? Will procedures do more harm than good? Should life be prolonged, no matter what? Who should decide? What would the person have wanted?

At those moments, chaplains try to bring comfort while being sensitive to the minefields of family dynamics or cultural differences regarding medical issues such as organ donation, Kunz said.

Having a living will is a most loving thing to do for your family, she said. "Talk about death as you talk about life."

"Sometimes I come to the office, close the door and pray about it," Kunz said. "If there's a disagreement, we try to err on the side of grace."

In the welter and tangle of questions, some values seem to prevail through cultures and across time, Kincaid said.

"Something like the Ten Commandments has existed in cultures across time," he said.

Those common values can be condensed to something like "beneficence" - the will to do good, or at least, do no harm, he said.

This view makes moral dialogue possible when rules are in conflict, Kincaid said.

"It strives to see what's universal among values and morals, those shared among religions and also the non-religious," he said. "We take common morality and start with that, the notion that we have more in common than we think."

Kunz's experiences with the living and the dying build up her faith, she said. But, though Kunz is Christian, "I do not believe my job is to judge a person's spiritual life, but to help them discover it," she said.

"Everybody is spiritual; not everybody is religious."

Our culture wishes to deny death, but Kincaid is seeing a change from a view that wants to avoid death at any cost - which is sometimes for the personal comfort of others, he said.

A good death is a fitting conclusion to a good life, he said. "Letting go, compassion, is the best way to honor a life."

Kunz's care goes beyond the hospital setting to follow-up phone calls, e-mails, letters or visits. Kunz will point people to community support groups.

Chaplains and social workers can get so used to life and death that they can become desensitized to what families are going through, Kunz said. Conversely, they can also get too deeply involved in the pain of those they're helping, she said.

Kunz has the kind of heart that makes it natural for her to try to be, as she says, "the big savior of the world." And that is both her biggest asset and biggest liability, she said.

"You can get burnout if you don't take care," she said.

Scripture and inspirational reading, prayer time, daily devotions and the support of close friends and other chaplains help keep her emotional batteries charged, she said. Music, playing the organ and piano, helps.

"I like silence," too, she said. "I go home and just ... be. Be in the presence of God."

(Reach reporter Karen Herzog at 250-8267 or karen.herzog@bismarcktribune.com.)

"Board Certified Crisis Chaplain"

Effective April 17, 2007, Reverend David Roehl, Pastor of the Emmanuel United Church of Christ in Hankinson, North Dakota, earned designation as a Board Certified Crisis Chaplain through the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress.

Pastor Roehl has volunteered for ministry as a police chaplain since 1976, and is currently serving as the Southeast Regional Chaplain for the North Dakota Highway Patrol. Pastor Dave also serves as a volunteer Spiritual Care Specialist with the National Crisis Response Team of the American Red Cross, and as the Wing Chaplain for the North Dakota Civil Air Patrol/ U.S. Air Force Auxiliary.

Pastor Roehl accepted the pastorate of the Emmanuel U.C.C. congregation in Hankinson in June 2005, having previously served congregations of the U.C.C. in Hettinger and Reeder, ND.