This article was in the July 26^th 2011 Christian Century

Grief without stages

Jun 17, 2011 by Thomas G. Long

Near the end of the last round of presidential primaries in 2008, the race between Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton broke decisively toward Obama. Resolute Hillary supporter Lanny Davis was devastated by the prospect of her defeat. Davis had served as special counsel to Bill Clinton and had devoted much energy to Hillary's effort. He was more than discouraged; he was so grief-stricken and distraught that he googled Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's five stages of grief to pinpoint his location on the emotional journey. "Denial? Yes," he said. "Anger? Definitely. Bargaining? Well, OK. And depression? That's definitely what I was going through." Only when Obama lavished praise on Hillary in his convention victory speech did Davis find himself approaching the last stage: acceptance.

This incident opens Ruth Davis Konigsberg's book The Truth about Grief: The Myth of Its Five Stages and the New Science of Loss, which is setting off seismic shock waves in the world of trauma counselors, funeral home providers of "aftercare," and others who help the bereaved navigate the choppy waters of grief. Konigsberg challenges not only Kübler-Ross's tidy scheme of grief stages but also the whole idea that grief is a therapeutically manageable process that moves through any stages whatsoever.

As Konigsberg tells the story, Kübler-Ross's On Death and Dying, which outlined the emotional stages through which dying people move, was based on poorly grounded, idiosyncratic and highly impressionistic research. The book might have slipped quietly into oblivion, but it unexpectedly caught fire in the public imagination. Kübler-Ross's wobbly theory  assumed a life of its own in the popular imagination.

People quickly seized the five stages of dying, turned them into stages of grief over death generally and then into stages of grief over any loss. Kübler-Ross the scientist occasionally tried to nuance and qualify her original claims, but Kübler-Ross the media darling sometimes played along with the runaway expansions of her ideas. "You could say the same about divorce, losing a job, a maid, a parakeet," she said in a 1981 interview. A cottage industry of bereavement counselors and grief managers developed. New and improved configurations of the stages of grief were developed, along with treatment plans to heal the wounds. The language of rights was trotted out on behalf of the bereaved: the right to grieve and to take the necessary time to do so. Ironically, the "right to grieve" morphed, says Konigsberg, into the loss of the right not to grieve according to plan. When spouses remarried "too quickly," for example, people whispered that they were short-circuiting the proper stages of healthy grief.

The problem with all this is that there is no solid evidence that these theories about grief's stages are true. In fact, the evidence we do have, says Konigsberg, points to grief as unpredictable, wild and undomesticated in its form and intensity. It breaks like a storm over us and then calms, seemingly without reason. With the possible exception of deeply pathological grief, attempts to manage grief therapeutically are largely useless—and may harm people more than they help them.

Konigsberg's views are controversial, and some pastors, therapists and grief counselors are reacting to her book with denial, anger, bargaining and the rest. When Konigsberg asked Richard Shultz, one of the first social psychologists to raise questions about Kübler-Ross's work, why the idea of five stages persists against all the scientific evidence, he said, "Because they have great intuitive appeal, and it's easy to come up with examples that fit the theory."

Theologians have been raising objections to Kübler-Ross's ideas for a long time. The idea that people sail across the stygian stream toward some tranquil stage of acceptance is not an empirical observation. It is bad theology, a product of Kübler-Ross's smuggled Neoplatonism, which stands in tension with Christian eschatology and the biblical concept of death as the final enemy.

Beyond this, the larger notion that grief moves through some kind of process toward resolution probably owes more of a debt to American optimism than to Christian hope. Grief is not mainly a psychotherapeutic unfolding; it is a perilous, unruly and emotionally fraught narrative task. We are all players in human dramas, mundane mostly but also filled with grandeur and deep pathos. When someone dies, the plot threads unravel, the narrative shatters, and those of us who are part of the story "go to pieces." The work of grief is to gather the fragments and to rewrite the narrative, this time minus a treasured presence.

But we do not do this alone. In the wilderness of grief, God provides narrative manna—ust enough shape and meaning to keep us walking—and sends the Comforter, who knits together the raveled soul and refuses to leave us orphaned. Sometimes the bereaved say they are looking for closure, but we Christians do not seek closure so much as we pray that all of our lost loves will be gathered into that great unending story fashioned by God's grace.

Coping in the wake of the North Carolina nursing home shooting

Eleanor Feldman Barbera

March 30, 2009

The shocking news of an assault on nursing home residents and staff is likely to cause fear and anxiety in members of our nursing home community.  As a nursing home psychologist who was working in New York City in the aftermath of 9/11, I'd like to offer some suggestions regarding ways in which we can help our community members cope with this tragedy.

* Be aware of our own feelings:  If we're anxious ourselves, it's unlikely we're going to be of much assistance.  We should take time to calm ourselves, or let others take on the task of reassuring residents, staff, and family members until we're ready to do so.

* Allow community members to express their concerns:  We don't need to fix things, but can act as a sounding board.  Often if we listen long enough, the speaker can get through the frightened feelings on his or her own.

* Acknowledge feelings:  It's not uncommon to be fearful or anxious, which will diminish over time.  Knowing this is normal can be comforting.

* Emphasize safety procedures:  Reviewing the safety procedures in the nursing home, such as a security guard, observant staff, alarms, and security cameras, can increase the sense of safety and control.  If it seems necessary, separate group discussions can be offered for residents, staff, and family members.

* Utilize spiritual supports:  Tragedies such as this reinforce the capriciousness of fate, and, for some people, may lead to questions of how this could have happened.  Help them to understand it in terms of their spiritual beliefs.

* Anticipate increased efforts at control:  For a brief period, we might expect to see our community members striving for control in other areas of their lives.  For example, residents who usually feel some anxiety using the lift to get out of bed might find it more distressing and need increased reassurance.  Staff members who are normally flexible about their work assignments might be less so, and family members might be more vocal about concerns for their loved ones.  We need to be gentle with ourselves right now.

* Be prepared for denial:  Many people won't mention the attack, or won't feel it has any relation to them at all.  Let them be. They'll bring it up if and when they need to.

* Observe for symptoms:  You might notice increased depression or anxiety, rumination (repeatedly discussing the event), tearfulness, nightmares, insomnia, symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder such as exaggerated startle response, etc.

* Use your mental health team members:  If a resident is having difficulty in the aftermath of this attack, consider a referral to the psychologist and/or psychiatrist.  Staff and family members who are distressed might be gently directed toward using their mental health benefits.

* Provide the opportunity to be of assistance:  Sending cards or taking up a collection for Pinelake Health and Rehab <http://www.peakresourcesinc.com/nursing/pinelake.html> is a positive way to channel the energy of our community and show the power of human kindness in the face of tragedy.

Eleanor Feldman Barbera, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist who consults in long-term care facilities in the New York City area. You can learn more about her at  http://mybetternursinghome.blogspot.com/. To contact her, e-mail efeldmanbarbera@nyc.rr.com.

 

Hospitality as a Christian tradition

http://www.practicingourfaith.com/prct_hospitality.html

http://www.practicingourfaith.com/cfm/library/index.cfm

If your ministry is only one of your jobs, here are 12 tips to make the road a little smother. 

In light of the fact that 50 percent of all North American churches have 75 people or fewer, many pastors do not receive full salary from the church they serve. This forces them to consider options such as finding other employment on the side or having a spouse work to help make ends meet.

1.      Guard your attitudes. Sometimes it is hard for those “called into the ministry” to accept the fact that they may have to work “secular” jobs at times. These are understandable feelings, but will lead to bitterness of heart and cripple our ministries unless we overcome them.

2.      Look primarily to God. It is easy to become resentful toward people if we look to them as our sources. God is our ultimate employer and provider, not the church.

3.      Beware of get- rich-quick schemes. A pastor desperate for additional sources of income may be vulnerable to the allure of multilevel marketing and other “easy money” systems.

4.      Assess the hidden costs of having a spouse that works. After the cost of travel, food on the road, child care, house cleaning etc, you may find that it is cheaper for them to stay home. A job or career is often times more of an outlet or escape. Check all the motives and the real cost involved.

5.      Make the most of the situation while you’re at it. Working a secular job can actually have many overlooked benefits other than just additional income: contact with unchurched people and experience with realities of work environments.

6.      Define your ministry. Bi-vocational pastors should beware of trying to have a “full- service” ministry. You need definite limits and boundaries. You cannot do everything, so you must have a clear focus for what you will handle.

7.      Educate the church. They need to clearly understand your time limitations so they don’t form unrealistic expectations.

8.      Guard your family times ruthlessly. Your time to be with your family is likely to be limited, and this requires careful scheduling and refusing to allow unnecessary interruptions.

9.      Don’t neglect your health. Those who burn the candle at both ends are likely to run out of wick!

10. Develop a realistic plan. Unless you are willing to remain a bi-vocational pastor the rest of your life, you need a realistic and concrete plan for how you will make the transition to full-time ministry. Dreams without plans seldom come to pass.

11. Cut your greener-grass preconceptions. Many bi-vocational pastors are filled with great expectations about the additional time and fruitfulness they will have if they go full- time into the ministry.

12. Deal with your fears.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hospitalized kids' spiritual needs not met: survey

The survey of pastoral care providers at children's hospitals nationwide found that respondents felt their centers offered only a portion of what was needed for "ideal spiritual care" of patients and parents.

"We can do better," study author Dr. Chris Feudtner of Children's Hospital of Philadelphia in Pennsylvania, told Reuters Health.

Feudtner said that there has been growing awareness of how important spirituality is to adults who are coping with illness. Much less is known about the spiritual needs and care of sick children.

But even though spirituality and how it is dealt with in healthcare might seem complex, Feudtner said it is important to realize "this can be studied" and that "benchmarks" for quality spiritual care can be set.

His team's findings are published in the January online edition of the journal Pediatrics.

According to survey respondents, half of the patients they cared for were either infants who had been ill their entire lives or older children with chronic illnesses. About 20% were dying.

Care providers estimated that at least half of these children were feeling fearful or anxious, or needed help coping with pain and other symptoms or in dealing with their parents. They also estimated that most parents felt fearful or anxious, had difficulty coping with their child's pain or felt guilty.

But overall, providers felt their hospitals were only partially addressing such concerns.

One of the biggest problems is inadequate staff, according to the survey. Pastoral care offices vary widely among US children's hospitals, Feudtner explained. One hospital may have a chaplain plus a staff dedicated to spiritual care, while another may rely on only volunteers.

Survey respondents also said they are often called upon "too late" to provide all the spiritual care that a family might need. This could be due to a lack of staff, Feudtner said, or to doctors' and nurses' lack of training in how to tell when children and their families need spiritual help.

According to survey respondents, some of the best ways of meeting patients' spiritual needs are to simply listen to them, touch them or pray with them.

Last Updated: 1/8/2003

Copyright © 2005 Reuters News Agency.

Triple Filter Test

One day one fellow met the great philosopher and said,

 'Do you know what I just heard about your friend?'

  'Hold on a minute,' Socrates replied. 'Before  telling me anything I'd like you to pass a little

 test. It's called the Triple Filter Test.'

  'Triple filter?'

  'That's right,' Socrates continued.

  'Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter

 what you're going to say. That's why I call it  the triple filter test.

  The first filter is Truth. Have you made  absolutely sure that what you are about to tell

 me is true?'

  'No,' the man said, 'actually I just heard  about it and...'

  'All right,' said Socrates. 'So you don't  know if it's true or not.

  Now let's try the second filter, the filter of  Goodness. 

Is what you are about to tell me  about my friend something good?'

  'No, on the contrary...'

  'So,' Socrates continued, 'you want to tell  me something bad about him, but you're not

 certain it's true.

  The third filter is Usefulness. Is what you  want to tell me about my friend going to be

 useful to me?'

  'No, not really.'

  'Well,' concluded Socrates, 'if what you  want to tell me is neither true nor good nor 

 even useful, why tell it to me at all?'

  Use this triple filter each time you hear  loose talk about any of your near and dear friends.

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The following two articles were presentations at the North Dakota Long Term Care Convention.   (posted with permission of presenter)

THE FAILURES HALL OF FAME

 Leon Uris, author of the bestseller Exodus, failed high school English three times.

 When Lucille Ball began studying to be an actress in 1927, she was told by the head instructor of the John Murray Anderson Drama School:

“Try any other profession.  Any other.” 

In 1959, a Universal Pictures executive dismissed Clint Eastwood and Burt Reynolds at the same meeting with the following statements:

to Burt Reynolds: “You have no talent.”

to Clint Eastwood: 'You have a chip on your tooth, your Adam's apple sticks out too far, and you talk too slow.”

As you no doubt know, Burt Reynolds and Clint Eastwood went on to become big stars in the movie industry. 

In 1944, Emmeline Snively, director of the Blue Book Modeling Agency, told modeling hopeful Norma Jean Baker (Marilyn Monroe):

“You'd better learn secretarial work or else get married.” 

Malcolm Forbes, the late editor-in-chief of Forbes magazine, one of the most successful business publications in the world, failed to make the staff of the school newspaper when he was an undergraduate at Princeton University. 

In 1962, four nervous young musicians played their first record audition for the executives of the Decca Recording Company.  The executives were not impressed.  While turning down this British rock group called the Beatles, one executive said:

“We don't like their sound.  Groups of guitars are on the way out.”

Paul Cohen, Nashville Artists and Repertoire Man for Decca Records, while firing Buddy Holly from the Decca label in 1956, called Holly “the biggest no-talent I ever worked with.” Twenty years later, Rolling Stone called Holly, along with Chuck Berry, “the major influence on the rock music of the sixties.” 

In 1954, Jimmy Denny, manager of the Grand Ole Opry, fired Elvis Presley after one performance.  He told Presley:

"You ain't goin' nowhere, son. . .you ought to go back to drivin' a truck." 

When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone in 1876, it did not ring off the hook with calls from potential backers.  After making a demonstration call, President Rutherford Hayes said:

“That's an amazing invention, but who would ever want to use one of them?”

Thomas Edison was probably the greatest inventor in American history.  When he first attended school in Port Huron, Michigan, his teachers complained that he was “too slow”and hard to handle.  As a result, Edison's mother decided to take her son out of school and teach him at home.  The young Edison was fascinated by science.  At the age of 10, he had already set up his first chemistry laboratory.  Edison's inexhaustible energy and genius (which he reportedly defined as “l percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration”) eventually produced in his lifetime more than 1,300 inventions. 

Henry Ford forgot to put a reverse gear in his first car.

When Pablo Casals reached 95, a young reporter threw him the following question: “Mr. Casals, you are 95 and the greatest cellist that ever lived. Why do you still practice six hours a day?” Mr. Casals answered: “Because I think I'm making progress.” 

Louis L’Amour, successful author of over 100 western novels with over 200 million copies in print, received 350 rejections before he made his first sale.  He later became the first American novelist to receive a special congressional gold medal in recognition of his distinguished career as an author and contributor to the nation through his historically-based works. 

When the great Italian tenor Enrico Caruso first applied for instruction, the teacher told him his voice sounded like the wind whistling through the window.

Thomas Edison spent two million dollars on an invention which proved to be of little value. 

In the 1940s, another young inventor named Chester Carlson took his idea to 20 corporations, including some of the biggest in the country.  They all turned him down.  In 194, after seven long years of rejections, he finally got a tiny company in Rochester, New York, the Haloid Company, to purchase the rights to his electrostatic paper-copying process. Haloid became Xerox Corporation, and both it and Carlson became very rich. 

Very little comes out right the first time.  Failures, repeated failures, are footprints on the road to achievement.  Abraham Lincoln's life could demonstrate that the only time you don't fail is the last time you try something and it works.  We can "fail forward" toward success. 

•         Difficult childhood

•         Less than one year formal schooling

•         Failed in business in 1831

•         Defeated for legislature, '32

•         Again failed in business, '33

•         Elected to legislature, '34•        

            Fiancée died, '35

•         Defeated for Speaker, '38

•         Defeated for Elector, '40

•         Married, wife a burden, '42

•         Only one of his four sons lived past the age of 18

•         Defeated for Congress, '43

•         Elected to Congress, '46

•         Defeated for Congress, '48

•         Defeated for Senate, '55

•         Defeated for Vice-President,

•         Defeated for Senate, '58

•         Elected President, '60 

In 1933, after Fred Astaire's first screen test, the testing director of MGM, said: "Can't act! Slightly bald! Can dance a little!"

Astaire kept that memo over the fireplace in his Beverly Hills home.

Walt Disney was fired by a newspaper editor for lack of ideas.  Walt Disney also went bankrupt  several times before he built Disneyland. 

Thomas Edison's teachers said he was too stupid to learn anything. 

Winston Churchill failed sixth grade.  He did not become Prime Minister of England until he was 62, and then only after a lifetime of defeats and setbacks.  His greatest contributions came when he was a "senior citizen." 

Albert Einstein did not speak until he was four years old and didn't read until he was seven. 

Babe Ruth, famous for setting  the home run record, also holds the record for strikeouts. 

Eighteen publishers turned down Richard Bach's 10,000-word story about a "soaring" seagull, Jonathan Livingston Seagull, before Macmillan finally published it in 1970.  By 1975, it had sold more than seven million copies in the U.S. alone. 

Richard Hooker worked for seven years on his humorous war novel, M*A*S*H, only to have it rejected by 21 publishers before Morrow decided to publish it.  It became a runaway bestseller, spawning a blockbuster movie and a highly successful television series. 

During its first year of business, the Coca-Cola Company sold only 400 Cokes. 

Basketball superstar Michael Jordan was cut from his high-school basketball team. 

Dr. Seuss's first children's book, And to Think that I Saw It on Mulberry Street, was rejected by 27 publishers.  The 28th publisher, Vanguard Press, sold 6 million copies of the book. 

Do you see your failures as

steps toward success?

Are We Having Fun, Yet?

Attitude and Peak Performance in the Workplace

By Psychologist, Bruce Christopher

So much of what we consider success in life simply is how we look at things.   The story has been told of parents who had two identical twin boys.  They were identical in everyway except for their temperaments.  One of the boys was a hope filled optimist, “Everything is coming up roses!”, he would always say.  The other twin was a sad and hopeless pessimist; in fact, he was so pessimistic, he thought that the guy who invented “Murphy’s Law” (i.e., anything that can go wrong – probably will) was an optimist. 

So, the worried parents brought their twin boys to the local psychologist in order to balance out their  personalities.  “On their next birthday”, the psychologist said to them, “put them in separate rooms to open their gifts.  Buy the pessimist the best toys you can possibly afford, but give the optimist a box of manure.” 

Well, the parents followed these weird instructions and carefully observed the results.  On their next birthday, which fell on the same day – because they were twins of course, the parents opened the door of their pessimist and heard him audibly complaining about the great toys he had received, “I don’t like this game!  I’ll betcha this computer will break!  I know somebody whose got a bigger toy car than this!”  Tiptoeing across the hallway, the parents opened the door to their little optimist and they saw him laughing and giggling, gleefully taking the manure in his hands and throwing it up into the air!  And they heard him say, “Mom and dad, you can’t fool me, where there’s this much crap . . . there’s got to be a pony!”

This story underscores the difference between OPTIMISTS and PESSIMISTS; where most of us would only see a nasty pile of manure, optimists see something else, they see potential “hidden ponies.”  As a clinical psychologist and professional speaker, this is what I try to teach people in my audiences whenever I speak – how to find hidden ponies in the trials and negative circumstances of our lives.  Optimists know how to do this intuitively, and they practice this skill in their professions and in their interpersonal interactions.  When I have the privilege of speaking to a group of professionals in your industry, I always ask them this million dollar question:

Are you an OPTIMIST or a PESSIMIST?  The answer to that question may have profound impact on your life, career, and relationships.  But what does it really mean to be an optimist?  I have a friend and colleague whom I often tease because everything seems to turn out right for him and go his way.  Once we were out for lunch and he bumped his iced-tea with his hand, the glass wavered precariously back and forth, the tea sloshing around and coming dangerously close to going all over him.  And of course, as is his destiny, not a single drop is spilt.  I said to him, “Jeff, what just happened is a metaphor for your life.  If that had been me, that drink would have ended up in my lap!   Everything just works out for you doesn’t it?”  He smiled and looked at me and said, “Yeah, I guess it does.” 

Is my friend Jeff an optimist or a pessimist because everything seems to go his way?  No, Jeff is just lucky.  Optimism has nothing to do with luck, good karma, or how the planets are aligned.  Optimism has everything to do with how respond and react when things don’t go your way.  Anyone can be positive when things are going great, but the real test is how do you act when things don’t go according to plan.   

The Attitude Axiom: The most important thing about you is NOT what happens to you, it is how you talk to yourself about what happens to you.  You see, we all talk to ourselves, and this is called thinking; thinking is an internal dialogue that we have going on inside of ourselves all the time, and how we think creates our attitude and approach to life.  Your attitude is the most essential skill which you can practice because not only does it energize you, but it energizes those around you as well. 

In this brief article, let me share with you two reasons why a positive attitude is vitally important for you. . . 

1^st.  Attitude Predicts Success 

In psychology, one of the things we are really interested in are the variables which predict success; our focus used to be on traditional measuring methods like I.Q. or academic performance in school.   Those of you who have children in school who might be struggling a little bit, take heart, because there is not a strong link between academic performance and I.Q. with success in life and work. 

Psychologists now look at another variable which has been called “Emotional Intelligence” as a primary predictor of success.  Emotional intelligence has to do with your attitudes, how well you deal with setbacks and failures, and your ability to interact effectively and empathetically with people.   

Many studies and reviews have demonstrated the importance of attitude for success in business.  In fact, research reveals that the more you love what you do the better you will do it and the more successful you will be.  One longitudinal study underscores this point:  researchers followed a group of 1,500 people over a period of 20 years.  At the starting point of the study, the group was divided into Group A, 83% of the sample, who had started their career path based upon it’s potential for making money in the immediate future in order to do what they really wanted to do later, and Group B, the remaining 17% of the sample, had done the exact opposite.  They decided to pursue a career that they loved to do now and worry about the money later. 

Check this out:  After 20 years, 101 of the original 1,500 had become millionaires.  One came from Group A, the other 100 had come from Group B, the people who had chosen to do what they loved!  Clearly this points out the dramatic power of attitude; people who do what they love tend to become more successful because they approach what they do with vigor, energy, and vision. 

The National Retail Merchants Association conducted a survey to gather data on why businesses lose customers:  Competition, moving, or death was only 9%; Lower prices elsewhere, only 9%; Unadjusted complaints, 14%; and poor attitude of the personnel was a significant 68%.  Adding the last two figures together indicates that upward of 80% of people who choose to leave “doing business” with your organization, do it because of poor attitudes from the staff.

Dr. Martin Seligman, professor of Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania and author of the best selling book, Learned Optimism, has demonstrated in several experiments that individuals who are highly optimistic, but  are not as competent and trained in the techniques of selling as others, significantly outperform those who are more highly trained, but score lower on assessments of optimism.  He proposes that perhaps the most predictive factor for successful outcomes in our businesses is NOT our finely tuned technical skills, but rather the intangible importance of our attitudes.

2^nd Attitude is contagious 

Imagine the power of this concept; that you are a communicable disease.  You are infecting all those around you with your own attitude.  Why does this happen?  It’s because there is a psychological principle which is active in our lives which I call The Projection Principle. 

The Projection Principle is this:  The attitude I GIVE to you, I GET reflected back to me in performance and behavior.  I would see this dynamic many times in the counseling office; a father might come in with his teenage son and he would talk to me about his child in a tone of anger and detachment, “This kid is so stubborn and negative!,” he would yell at me, “Can you figure out where he gets this bad attitude from!?”  Hmmm, I think to myself, I wonder.  It seems to me that the father and child are mere reflections of one another; father yells, “Clean your room!”  Kid yells back, “No!”  They sound just like one another as they mirror each others behavior. 

What do you want from your staff? Your customers?  Your spouse?  Your kids?  You first might want to take a look at what you are projecting onto them; because chances are that they are simply reflecting your own attitude back through their performance and behavior.  Now, certainly I am not suggesting that we are responsible for the attitude and actions of others, but on the other hand, there is a body of research which demonstrates that emotions are quite contagious and that other people tend to mirror or match the emotional energy that we give off. 

In his book, Emotional Intelligence, Dr. Daniel Goleman talks about the subtlety with which emotions pass from one person to another.  In a simple experiment, two people fill out a pre-test of their current moods and emotional state in the moment, then simply sat facing each other while the experimenter went out of the room to score their tests.  After a few minutes the experimenter returns with another mood checklist and asks them to it out again.  The pairs were purposely composed of one person who was highly expressive of emotion and the other who was deadpan.  Invariably, the post-test of emotional state had shown how the mood of the more expressive individual had been transferred to the more passive partner. 

Someone once said, “Attitude is everything.”  And according to the latest research which is being done on the subject, this seems to be the case.  When it comes to re-energizing your staff, you must realize that it all starts with you and your own attitude; for the attitude that you project to your staff and your patients will be assimilated by them and reflected back to you in behavior, performance, and actions.  Unfortunately, most of us are “blind” to the attitude-projections that we give off to others.  Try saying to an explosive person that they are yelling at you, and you may here them say, “I am not yelling at you!!”, as they tear your head off with a verbal barrage that makes you cower in fear of what they might do.  

 Wouldn’t it be revealing to have a secret video camera on us as we go through our workday; most of us might not really like what we see.  “Who is that?” we might say to ourselves, “I had no idea that I looked so scowl and serious.”

Don’t worry, you don’t need a secret video camera on you – just ask your staff, they already know. 

For more information on Psychologist, Bruce Christopher’s seminars, call, write, or visit his website:

Bruce Christopher Seminars

11124 Abbott Lane

Minnetonka, MN 55343

(888) 887-8477

www.bcseminars.com

On Friday I attended a lecture by Richard Twiss at United Tribes Technical College. He is a follower of Jesus but is reluctant to label himself Christian because it is the white man's religion. He is advocates teaching Native Americans about the saving power of Christ by not making them give up their indigenous traditions.

He made some interesting and valuable points about limiting God's power when we assume that there is only way to approach him.

Click on wiconi .com and check out their web site. Richard is helping organize the World Christian Gathering of Indigenous People in Jerusalem in September- bottom icon..

Thought you might enjoy reading about his ministry.

Pastor Gary

March 28, 2008
- Deborah Froese

WINNIPEG, Manitoba — Nine out of ten Indigenous people reject Christianity as “white man’s” religion, according to Richard Twiss. And he finds it ironic that in the Genesis story, Adam is created from “red” earth.

Twiss is a Rosebud Lakota theologian from the state of Washington, the co-founder of Wiconi International, the author of One Church, Many Tribes (Regal Books, 2000), and a Doctor of Missiology candidate at Asbury Theological Seminary. His ministry encourages Indigenous people from North America and around the world to use appropriate aspects of their cultural traditions for expressing Christ-centered theology. Using the lens of biblical theology, he recognizes culture as the heart language of the Indigenous church – a language that will free Indigenous peoples to live the abundant life that Jesus came to provide.

At the invitation of Mennonite Church Canada Native Ministry and Mennonite Church Manitoba Twiss brought this vision to the annual Spring Partnership Circles gathering hosted at Home Street Mennonite Church in Winnipeg, Man. Partnership Circles draw Manitoba Mennonite congregations and First Nations communities into cross-cultural relationships for the purpose of mutual support and transformation. A gifted speaker, Twiss used wit and candor to share his message throughout the Friday evening and Saturday event.

Twiss recognized that addiction and poor economic circumstances are tough issues for First Nations communities, but suggested that questions of self-identity pose larger problems. He pointed to the conflicting notion that God loved Indians so much that he allowed his son die for them yet objected to their drums, their music, their ceremonies. “Jesus loves us but he doesn’t like us very much,” Twiss quipped. Indigenous people have been led to believe that in order to follow Jesus, they must abandon their traditional ways and become “white.” These “white” or Eurocentric biblical interpretations and expectations have eroded Indigenous identity, generating low self-esteem and even self-hatred.

Twiss recalls being labeled a syncretist when he began calling Indigenous peoples back to their culture. “I was continually accused of trying to blend Indian religion with Christian faith, resulting in a hybridized, mongrel religion that was neither one nor the other.” Integrating culture and theology requires discernment, he cautioned, referring to the example of praying with sweet grass smoke. “Praying with sweet grass smoke can be idolatry or worshipful. If you thank God for giving smoke power, it’s syncretism.” However, he explained, using smoke as a symbolic representation of prayer rising to God in heaven can be worshipful and meaningful in a cultural context. Only when cultural tools are worshipped in and of themselves do they become dangerous.
Participants watched two videos depicting Indigenous people worshipping God through song, dance and drumming. In the follow-up discussion some asked how to discern the theological validity of such practices. But for most, the sights and sounds of reverberating drums, chanting, bright traditional dress and expressions of pure joy evoked emotional responses. Norman Meade, a Metis Elder, was moved by the uninhibited dance of children. “It comes from here,” he said, tapping his chest.

For others, the videos stirred memories. Hilda Franz recalled observing her adopted Native son attend his first pow wow; his connection to it, was instantly evident, she said.

Egon Enns was reminded of a young Aboriginal man who buried a traditional drum in the woods, afraid of what it represented. Twiss noted that some Native people are hesitant about embracing their own culture because they have been led to believe it is inherently evil – but a contrary realization is gradually spreading.

As the gathering drew to a close, Twiss suggested that the benefits of leaving faith open to cultural interpretation can extend beyond Indigenous communities. “Take this approach sideways for youth and other groups,” he said. They may want to inherit Jesus, but they may not necessarily want to inherit the traditionally organized church.

In a massive disaster, care will be scarce

State guidelines lay framework for deliberately letting some people die.

By Dorsey Griffith - dgriffith@sacbee.com

Published 12:00 am PST Sunday, March 2, 2008
Story appeared in MAIN NEWS section, Page A1

Older, sicker patients could be allowed to die in order to save the lives of patients more likely to survive a massive disaster, bioterror attack or influenza pandemic in California.

It's not how nurses and doctors are accustomed to doing things, nor how Californians expect to be treated. But it is part of a sweeping statewide plan being praised for its breadth, even as it rankles providers who will have to carry it out.

The new "surge capacity guidelines" released by the state Department of Public Health, depict a post-disaster health care environment that looks and feels nothing like the system most Californians depend on.

The 1,900-page document lays the practical – and ethical – groundwork for local and county health departments, hospitals, emergency responders and any able-bodied health care worker likely to be called upon in a catastrophe.

Striking in its specificity and its frank focus on the need to suspend or flex established laws and to ration health care, the plan is being hailed as a model for the rest of the nation.

"I don't know of any state that has taken it to this level of detail in outlining a surge plan for everyone who needs to respond to an emergency of this magnitude," said Jeff Levi, executive director of Trust for America's Health, a nonprofit group that has criticized the nation's emergency preparedness. "It's exactly the kind of dialogue that has to happen."

The conversations emerging from the plan will be very painful, especially for professionals trained to save a life at almost any cost, said Betsey Lyman, deputy director for public health emergency preparedness at the state Department of Public Health.

"Today, the practice of medicine is do everything you can for an individual patient," Lyman said. "This is, 'OK, we have limited resources. How do we best save the greatest number of lives?' That can mean saying to an individual patient, I can't give you a ventilator because I don't have enough for everybody."

The $5 million plan was developed as a result of Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger's 2006 health care surge initiative. That $172 million effort included the stockpiling of millions of doses of antiviral medications, thousands of ventilators, mobile field hospitals and extra hospital beds.

But health care officials acknowledge that when and if a global pandemic or major disaster strikes, no amount of extra drugs or supplies will be sufficient to manage the impact on an already strained health care system.

That's why the state assembled public health professionals, hospitals, ethicists, nurses and others to hash out guidelines for procedures they hope will minimize red tape and maximize survival rates.

The plan lists, for example, which responsibilities and patient protections can be waived if the governor declares a state of emergency.

Hospitals will not have to report births, deaths, infectious disease outbreaks, medication errors, and suspected child or elder abuse. Existing rules that protect patients' privacy also can be tossed out.

Dr. Ron Chapman, Solano County health officer and a key surge plan participant, cited as an example the bare-bones approach to caring for people in the wake of Hurricane Katrina. There, he said, a friend's leg was sliced open by a piece of glass while he was helping haul away debris.

"They took him to a Wal-Mart parking lot. He stood in line, walked in, they sewed him up, gave him a pack of antibiotics and sent him on his way," Chapman said. "They never asked his name or his insurance status."

The guidelines say California's strict nurse-patient ratios can be ignored, and nurses can be assigned to jobs for which they have no experience.

The scenarios worry nursing leaders. "If you are going to throw out regulations … we know the consequences can be very bad," said Donna Gerber, government regulations director for the California Nurses Association. "(The regulations) wouldn't be there except to protect the public."

During a health care surge, even nonlicensed, or retired health care providers whose licenses have lapsed, will be recruited to provide emergency care.

National surveys indicate that more than 40 percent of health care employees would not come to work during a massive disaster or pandemic, either because of fear or because of their own household demands.

"It means that people are going to be volunteering and coming in and helping who may not be properly credentialed," said Duane Dauner, president of the California Hospital Association.

It means, Dauner said, that a volunteer veterinarian could be asked to mend broken bones, stanch bleeding or jump-start a patient's heart.

"In times when there is nobody else, getting someone like a vet to help out is better than not treating a patient," Dauner said.

It also means that a pharmacist will be able to dole out drugs even without a doctor's prescription.

"It's not what we are used to, but when someone with diabetes comes in and they need insulin but they can't get in to see their doctor because the doctor is sick, why can't a pharmacist give it to them?" Chapman asked. "It's all about saving lives."

Such practice stands in stark contrast to the normal workings of any hospital, where restricting the provision of medical treatments to authorized individuals is serious business.

Even though he is a licensed primary care doctor, Chapman, for example, is not authorized to operate a ventilator, even in hospitals where he has privileges to otherwise treat patients.

Under surge guidelines, he said, even a patient's family member could be trained to maintain the machine.

"Right now, ventilators are considered a high-level technical piece of equipment," Chapman said. "But in that scenario, we won't have nearly enough intensive care nurses and doctors to run them."

Perhaps the most jarring aspect of the guidelines, though, is the seemingly hard-hearted treatment of some kinds of needy patients.

The plan will allow hospitals to empty beds for higher priority patients, sending ill patients into hallways, make-shift hospitals in tents, nursing homes or even back home.

"Everybody will have to think differently," Dauner said. "Radio, TV and police will direct patients where to go. People will be herded like cats."

Scarce life-saving resources will be rationed under a radically different system of care that puts the good of the larger population over that of the individual patient.

That means that instead of starting with the sickest or most critically injured, treatment will go first to those more likely to survive with immediate intervention. A patient's kidney disease or congestive heart failure could diminish their chances of getting life-saving treatment in such an emergency.

The plan emphasizes that treatment decisions must not be based on a patient's ability to pay for care, their perceived worth to society, or whether their past behaviors contributed to their health status.

These will be very difficult decisions to make, particularly for nurses who – by their training and nature – are patient advocates, said the CNA's Gerber.

"The nurse is usually the one who says 'Excuse me, but I don't think that's the right dose, or I really don't think my patient is ready to be discharged," she said. "These are very draconian kinds of situations and … that is not what we are trained to do."

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Among the Spiritual Needs of Older Adults identified by Dr Harold Koenig of Duke University are: “The need for a sense of usefulness”, and “A need to love and serve others”.  In the Sunday Morning Chapel Services at The Baptist Home of Bismarck, an offering is taken that is distributed to a number of community and international ministries.  The Missouri Valley Habitat for Humanity organization is one of those organizations.

Chaplain Clyde Leimberer says “To our surprise and joy, the keys to the seventeenth house built in Bismarck/ Mandan, ND have been turned over to the Brady Davis family.  Mrs. Davis (Anna) is a Certified Nursing Assistant at The Baptist Home and Brady works at HIT in Mandan.  This is a family of eight and they definitely needed a house.  As well, both Brady and Anna work in caring professions.

In the Sunday Morning Service, January 20, the residents of The Baptist Home presented some Housewarming gifts to the Davis family in celebration of their new home.  The gifts were a special framed picture with a “Bless this House” poem and a ‘model home’ made of bags of microwave popcorn with miniature candy bars for shingles, windows and doors.  This special occasion gave the residents the opportunity to see the fruits of their donations added to others and benefiting people they know.

The residents offerings are also sponsoring a 9 year old child from Sri Lanka through World Vision, as well as contributing regularly to the Salvation Army, KNDR Christian Radio, Interfaith,  the Sonshine Society and Sioux Falls Seminary.

Holy Wings Uplifting ACCC

A Spiritual presence is hovering over Anne Carlsen Center for Children.

"It's good to have a chaplain around," says Pastor JoAnne Moeller, who has been filling that role on a part-time basis at ACCC for nearly two years.

Prior to that, ACCC was receiving chaplain support from a local minister for about 10 hours per month.

But after a string of student deaths -- five in the matter of just a few months -- Chief Operating Officer Marcia Gums began to feel a void over the Center. "Everyone seemed to be lost," she said. "Pastor Steve (Berntson) did a wonderful job, but 10 hours a month just wasn't enough to fill that void."

Also, she said, there was a recognition that in order to provide a true wholistic program, ACCC needed to provide a spiritual element to the programming it provides.

So she convinced CEO Dan Howell and the board to add a part-time, 20-hour per week chaplain to the staff.

Moeller, an ordained Lutheran minister, provides non-denominational services to the children and staff. "With her presence here she solidifies that, yes, we need that spiritual component in our lives and she wraps that around us," said Gums.

She ministers as much to the staff as to the children. "Staff are constantly caring for the kids," said Gums. "She cares for the caregiver."

Moeller says her ministry is very different from her previous work in congregational settings.

Moeller sees herself becoming more of a storyteller, often getting into character to share God's word in fun, interactive ways.

She has been a train conductor on the Gospel Train for a summer Vacation Bible School program and "Reada Reddy," a guest storyteller at weekly chapel services. "I've learned that being a storyteller, while stretching my comfort zone, is one of the best ways for me to bring the message of God's presence and love to the kids."

Music is also an integral part of her ministry. "It's a challenge to learn each child's language," she said, "but through music we often connect."

This past Christmas Eve, Moeller held a service for children and their families and staff. She shared the Christmas story and they sang carols. At the last second, she decided to go around and serenade all the children there. The response of two of them, both of whom are non-verbal, helped affirm the benefits of her role at ACCC.

"I won't forget Jade's face when I sang to her. She just lit up. And Matt took my hand and wouldn't let go.. .It's those types of reactions that warm my heart and make my spirit dance," she said.

Last Fall, two of ACCC's residents died and Moeller was called to help staff and families and residents through the difficult time.

Memorial services held at ACCC for both children provided a time for remembering and honoring them as well as caring for one another in grief.

Moeller spent four days with Hailey prior to her death. And even though Hailey had a hearing impairment, Moeller said she seemed comforted by songs. "I know that being there for her was very much what this program is about."

After Hailey's death, family expressed their gratitude to Moeller for the compassion and peace she offered them as well.

A weekly chapel service is the core component of Moeller's program and she continues to build on it with a lengthy to-do list that includes the development of a hospice-type care program to help care for residents' as they are dying.

She is developing a staff training on spirituality to incorporate into ACCC's new employee orientation.

And she has dreams of creating a designated chapel space or a secluded prayer area at the Center.

Gums and Moeller both say that 20 hours a week is not enough time to meet the needs of staff and residents and hope to be able to increase the amount of time and money dedicated to the chaplain program.

Because the program is not reimbursable through ACCC's primary funding sources, it relies on donors to help support the program.

"We received tremendous support from our Thanksgiving appeal," said ACCC Foundation Executive Director Kevin Cooper, "for the chaplain program."

"Our donors value the spiritual nurturing Pastor JoAnne provides and feel it is as important as medical care and education.

We have faith that their support will continue to help us grow this program."

Dear Colleagues in ministry,

The worst part of my job is working with people. If I could have just one day at work where I didn't have to answer the telephone, didn't have to go to a meeting, didn't have to talk to anybody, I could get all caught up with my paperwork, clean up my computer files, sort through the stuff on my desk, and finally get to all those journals I have been wanting to read. That would be sublime and my life would be fulfilled. I could die in peace.

The best part of my job is working with people. Every day my life is touched and changed by the lives of others around me. I see people accomplishing incredible things in their work. I see caregivers standing over the bedsides of patients, coaching them on to health. I see students learning new things and growing in their competence each day. I see courage in people's personal lives as they struggle with challenges they never believed would be possible to overcome. This is a blessing to me, and I hope I don't die for a long time. I want to see what other things these amazing people will do.

Come to work. Go home. Come to work. Go home. Pretty much the same every day. Yet between the spaces of these sentences are the stories of people's lives. Babies. Heart attacks. New cars. Car accidents. Kindergarten. Influenza. Every story just a little different, the spin on every life just a little varied. One never knows from one day to the next what is around the corner.

Rabbi Lawrence Kushner, in his book Invisible Lines of Connection: Sacred Stories of the Ordinary, talks about a moment in his life when he thought he might have a brain tumor, and was waiting for the results of a CT scan. He writes, "I felt what I can only call "a trembling deep inside me." And I remember thinking: so this is how it happens. One day, I'm well. Then, suddenly, and almost gracefully, I'm in possession of an all-consuming new piece of information: the probable cause of my imminent death. One minute I'm preoccupied by a thousand daily tasks. And the next, it's as if some hand from out of nowhere had swept everything off the game board and onto the floor and replaced all my affairs with a medical diagnosis."

The people healers see are often frightened and brave. The people who care for the sick are brave, and are facing their own fears. We have no guarantees, only each other. And we have God.

Remembering this helps me put the meetings and all the other job demands back into perspective. People - God's people - make this work worthwhile.

Today we can stop and see the good around us. We can rejoice in our colleagues and their commitment with us to serving our communities. We can give thanks for the patients and their families and the strength and courage they bring. None of us have to face tomorrow alone. We can always call a meeting!

God's richest blessings to you in your special ministries,

Burnie Kunz, President

ND Chaplains Association

Principles for Pastoral Success

    "Ministry is a challenge. How should your time be spent when there is an endless array of good things from which to choose? What should your priorities be? When you say yes to one activity, you must say no to another.

    "There is no single right answer to the question of how much time to spend each week in counseling, visiting, studying, and being with your family. A great deal will be determined by your gifts, the size of your church, and the expectations of your congregation. However, principles do exist that should guide each pastor regardless of the specific job description:

-  "Praying is more important than preaching. You must guard your time for prayer even more closely than your time for study. When forced to choose, make prayer your top priority. Prayer is not preparation for the work – it is the work. If your prayer life is mediocre or inconsistent, your first priority is to set aside time for this exercise.

- "Preaching is more important than administration. Many pastors spend so much time running the church that they have little time for study and reflection. Committees are necessary, yet even more important is vision and the ability to move the congregation toward the goals of the church. But it is the ministry of the Word that gives the greatest impact. Ask yourself what you are doing that someone else could do; be generous in giving away all the responsibilities you reasonably can. Doing so will save you several hours a week.

- "The family is more important than the congregation. Pastors receive affirmation from their congregations and, as a result, often feel vulnerable to the pressure of public opinion. This explains the strong temptation to meet the expectations of the congregation before the needs of spouses and children. Pastors need to make some hard deliberate choices in their families’ favor. For example, time spent taking the family out for ice cream is often more important than attending another finance committee meeting.

- "Faithfulness is more important than competition. It’s easy to get discouraged in the ministry when you compare yourself to others. Overcome a spirit of comparison and rejoice in and learn from the success of other pastors. When you are content with your part in the kingdom’s work, you will have a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment.

- "Love is more important than ability. Obviously, you cannot function without gifts that qualify you for the demands of the ministry. You must know the Word and be able to communicate it, and you must have skills in leadership and working with people. Paul cautioned that all the gifts and talents were folly if not accompanied by love (I Cor.13). Even the best Bible teaching doesn’t change lives if it’s not filtered through a personality filled with love.

                                                                               Author unknown.